Bootleg Mike’s “Forgotten Video Boots”
Andy Warhol’s Bowel Movement – This is a good one and ultra, ultra rare. In 1967, Andy Warhol filmed himself sitting on the toilet for an entire year. He ate, slept and, yes, went to the bathroom on the toilet. The film is shot in real time and will take you an entire year to watch, but there’s an abbreviated version that runs about four months. I don’t recommend that version, as you’d be missing out on some really key plot points. The movie was shot on 8-mm, in black and white, with a soundtrack by the amazing 1960s band Young Man with a Flower, featuring a very, very young Phil Collins. Good luck finding the soundtrack, though, which is worth about $50! If you’re not doing anything for a year, and need a fun way to pass the time, you could definitely do a hell of a lot worse.
Styx: Live at the Capitol Center, September 5, 1989 – This bootleg was shot on a VHS camera by a man from Potomac, Maryland. The man’s name is lost to history, but we can thank him for preserving the last Styx tour before Dennis DeYoung caught a rare Amazonian virus (from fishing nude in Brazil) and left the group to start a boutique candle business.
Everyone knows that Styx is best remembered for their amazing and fully-realized 1983 concept album “Kilroy Was Here.” But what everyone does not realize is that Styx released another rock opera, this one in 1989, that was also about robots. In this case, the robots take over an ice cream shop in Atlanta. They refuse to serve vanilla or chocolate ice cream for political reasons, and the locals go insane. Dennis DeYoung plays Stuey, an assistant manager who appeals to the community through song and gentle hand movements.
In the beginning of this 1989 concert, Dennis is wearing an orange and brown smock, and he is holding an ice cream scooper. He then launches into the album’s biggest hit, “Bathroom’s Only for Lovers.” At the end of the concert, Dennis is wearing a rubber suit, and is singing “Flavor of the Day: Happiness.” It’s a fantastic concert and ultra, ultra, ULTRA rare. Known to sell on eBay for as high as $45.
Dennis DeYoung died a few years ago. He packed a ton of love into those 72 years.
M. Night Shyamalan’s Unnamed Third, Fifth and Seventh Projects – Shyamalan is a genius, I don’t think there’s much argument about that fact. Surprisingly, he wrote, directed and released three projects that were NEVER released.
The Fateful Night of the Rainbow Catcher (2001)
The Moist Stump (2003)
Intergalactic Hugs (2011)
The last movie ends with a dimwitted poolboy named Benji getting eaten by a pack of wild dingoes. But there’s a twist: The dingoes are aliens …. but Benji was, too! The aliens ate their own! I still get chills when I think about it.
I pray that all of these will one day be released. Shyamalan is a brilliant auteur, very humble, and he deserves a lot more respect and recognition.
Jerry Lewis’s The Day the Clown Went to Rwanda – For the entire decade of the ’90s, Jerry Lewis was hooked on methadone. Because of that, he has no memory making this movie that he wrote, directed and starred in. The movie is called The Day the Clown Went to Rwanda, and that’s basically the entire plot. Jerry, playing an unemployed clown called Wolfgart, travels to Rwanda to cheer up the poor orphans who will soon face their own grisly deaths. Wolfgart performs magic tricks, walks a tightrope (only a few feet off the ground) and sprays water out of his fake bowtie and into the mud. The kids really laugh. Three people have seen this movie, including a former reviewer for The Washington Post, Anthony Hoagland, who wrote: “Like watching a snuff film but without the laughs.”
I think that’s way, way too harsh, but having never seen this movie, I can’t really prove otherwise. I do know that it was all shot in Jerry’s backyard in Las Vegas and features no one of color. Worth a fortune.
Pluckett & Farley – Burt Reynolds is amazingly prolific. He has starred in over 300 movies and about 200 TV shows. He never stops. Burt was especially in his prime in the mid-’70s, but even his biggest fans never seemed to have watched Pluckett & Farley, even though it’s now available on BurtReynolds.com streaming. I do know that the movie was shown once at an Alabama drive-in theater in ’76 and never seen again. The rumor is that the guy who owned the drive-in traded the movie for enough money to keep the drive-in going for another month, at which time it then went out of business for good (about a month later).
I’m a sucker for any movie that features intelligent orangutans doing human things, like giving a thumbs up, blowing a raspberry or just mouthing off to racist cops.
This movie has none of that, but it does feature a really beautiful orangutan named Farley who was rescued somewhere in Africa and then purchased by Burt for $200 at a Kentucky Derby party.
Whenever Farley gets mad or scared, he attacks everything in sight and rips off limbs. If that doesn’t sound funny, rest assured that it’s hilarious on the screen.
In one scene, Burt (who plays Pluckett) tells Farley to fetch him a beer. Farley goes the fridge, but comes back with a soda. Burt curses and kicks Farley out of the house. Farley then goes on a rampage, attempting to kill anyone who tries to stop him, including a redneck sheriff and an uppity woman who hates alcohol. Both die … but it’s okay, as both weren’t very nice. (It’s interesting … in the novelization to this film, the orangutan is played by a donkey. Not sure why they changed it.)
The movie ends with Farley being put down by a zoo-keeper in a helicopter, as Burt stands before a gorgeous sunset and weeps. There was no sequel.
Folks, that’s it for this month! If you’re feeling generous, please donate! Unearthing these gems ain’t free.