Funny Letters from Summer Camp and Their Not-So-Funny Responses
(Originally appeared on McSweeney's, August 7 2007)
Dear Mummy and Daddy:
Camp is fun and I’m eating a lot of candy!!! Kevin today caught a frog and it climbed into his shirt!
Mummy and I are getting a divorce. Will give you specifics when you come home. Tell Kevin’s frog we say hi!
Mummy and Daddy
Dad and Mom:
Yesterday I went swimming for six hours and when I got out of the water I was all wrinkly!!! Zach my bunkmate threw up after eating a whole pizza. Before lights out yesterday we all sang “101 Bottles of Beer.” I fell asleep before it was done!
It’s funny you should mention “throwing up” and “beer,” sweetheart. Mommy won’t be visiting this weekend. Do you like this special hospital stationery? Don’t get too wrinkly now or you’ll turn into a prune!
Yesterday wait two day ago I got into the best adventure in my entire life! We started off running to the springs where we ran around and around and ate lunch. And then I climbed a tree and then I killed a bug with my shoe and then we went back and had dinner. I won the skit contest. It was the best day of my entire life! I will never ever ever ever ever forget it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
—-Return to sender, no forwarding address
Dear Mom n Dad!
4got to send U a letter bee-4. R U having as much fun as eye am having? Wink.
P.S.—Do U get it?
U R brother is dead. He 4-got to put on his motorcycle helm-8.
C U very soon, K-8-ty!
Mom and Dad
P.S.—Of course we get it, why wouldn’t we? The joke was obvious, really.